Literally

There seems to be some confusion circulating the social media as to the nature of the word 'literally'. Language purists insists that the word be used for one purpose only: to indicate something that is real, on point, without exaggeration.

These language purists don't know what the fuck they are talking about.

The word 'literally' in the sense of 'figuratively' has been in use for centuries, and a quick search in dictionaries such as the Oxford one or the Miriam-Webster one confirms it. Its usage in this context is well established, and has been used by the likes of Dickens and Fitzgerald.

And yet, this word is one of my pet peeves. Why?

Because I'm one of the other language purists. The ones that insist words be used appropriately, with regard to their individual etymology, gradation, power, balance, connotation...

In its meaning as a synonym for 'figuratively', the word 'literally' exudes intensity. In such a context, the word stands for something that 'is not literal but it's so strong it might as well have been'.

He was desperately in love with her for five years; but she had never acknowledged his existence before. Today, she touched his hand and smiled at him. He literally beamed.

What does this context infer? He didn't actually beam. He neither lit up like a light bulb nor did he transmit a radio signal. But it felt like he was: and powerfully so. The use of the word 'literally' stands in this context for great intensity and raw emotion.

We should not discuss whether the word 'literally' can or cannot be used in the sense of something that isn't actually real. It can, and that dispute has been shut down two and a half centuries ago.

What we should discuss is how to stop its usage for mundane shit that does not justify or deserve its power: often immediately after "... like,".

Invisible Bear

You live in a house. Your neighbor tells you that you have a bear in your backyard. You check your backyard but you see nothing out of the ordinary. No damage to your fence, no tracks, no noises, no strands of bear fur. 

Your neighbor insists that it's an invisible bear and you have to surrender your backyard to him, otherwise the bear will inflict horrible torture on you and your kin after you die.

When you ask him for evidence, he insists that the burden of proof is on you to prove that there is no invisible bear in your backyard. 

He then presents a book in which the author claims that he had previously spoken to an eyewitness, and the eyewitness had confirmed the existence of the invisible bear in your backyard. 

When you ask your neighbor for proof that the book tells the truth, he presents a passage of the book that clearly states, "EVERYTHING WRITTEN IN THIS BOOK IS TRUE! YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT OR ELSE!..." 

Your neighbor also tells you that he has personally felt the presence of the bear. He had a dream, and in the dream he heard bear growls coming from your backyard.

When you tell your neighbor that you refuse to give your backyard to him without any tangible evidence for the existence of an invisible bear, your neighbor calls you a morally corrupt nihilist, and informs you that you're condemned to eternal torture.

You spend the rest of your life dealing with people who look down on you, call you names, boycott you politically, and insist that they have moral superiority over you because you don't believe in the invisible bear in your backyard.

In the meantime, your neighbors commit horrible atrocities to each other and to others claiming that it's how they keep the invisible bear in your backyard from becoming angry.

A long time passes. Eventually, clever and well-equipped people in lab coats start researching your backyard. Some look for tracks, others listen for noises. Thousands of people with everything from heat detectors to trapping equipment try for a very long time to find any trace of any bear in your backyard, and come up empty. 

Your neighbor claims that these people are an evil cult that worships the invisible bear's archenemy, the invisible snake, and that the invisible bear's existence in your backyard can only be confirmed by believing in its existence without question or doubt, and by giving up your backyard.

The people in lab coats examine the old book and confirm that parts of it are forged, and the rest speaks of things that never happened, things that directly contradict one another, and things that can be demonstrated to be false right in front of you. The people in lab coats proceed to show all of their evidence that clearly confirms that there's no justification to believe in an invisible bear, and that the things written in the old book aren't true.

Your neighbor responds that the invisible snake falsified all the proof to make it look like there's no invisible bear in your backyard. He then also proceeds to interpret the old book by continuously making things up so that the old book seems like it's not contradicting itself and that it's not speaking of things that aren't true. He further proceeds to falsify counter-evidence for the existence of the invisible bear in your backyard, and gets angry when the people in lab coats debunk it.

The people in lab coats, in the meantime, have used all their research to find ways to dramatically improve the sanitation, food and water treatment, infrastructure, transportation, medicine, education, safety, and sustainability in your neighborhood, resulting in greatly improved longevity, happiness, morality, and progress in your neighborhood, and saving countless lives.

Your neighbor insists that they should drop what they're doing, bow down to the invisible bear in your backyard and accept it in their hearts, and follow the teachings of the old book (that had been repeatedly demonstrated to be nonsense).

Occasionally, your neighbor rallies up other neighbors to defend themselves against the neighborhood across the street that believes you have an invisible lion in your backyard, and that all who don't believe in the invisible lion must be slain or enslaved.